I'm becoming more and more convinced that often, the most godly way to live life is to just enjoy the goodness in everything around you.

The Tension and the Blessings

There are eight days left in the school year. This leaves me in the position to find a job for the summer which I would need to negotiate with my involvement at the church (which may just increase...we'll see). On the drive to work today and while sitting in the classroom before the students came in, I was almost paralyzed by the perceived difficulty of this task. After school, Michelle called and we were talking about places I was going to apply (but forgot to because of the overwhelming amount of dishes in the sink), and I mentioned my worry of maneuvering my involvement in the worship band with one of the jobs in particular, and she said, 'Just apply and see what God has for you.'

What a wise wife I have. I love her so incredibly much. And, she just got a lot of her hair cut off. She looks very sophisticated. And hot. So hot. Oh, my wise, sophisticated, hot wife.

A kid I helped with had a seizure today. He had to be taken to the hospital, where they were 'going to take pictures of my brain' (his words...then he started crying). I wasn't in the room when it happened, but I was told that the nurse just ran down the hall to my classroom (I was in prep, helping the librarians figure out Windows Movie Maker), so I went down there and arrived to a group of program assistants surrounding him, one of them holding his stiff body in his lap. I stayed long enough to figure out what had happened and walked to the wall, feeling like I needed to cry.

I hate when children hurt.

Marriage

Marriage is awesome. Never let anyone tell you anything differently. I've been married for a week, and I'm so excited about everything yet to come. Michelle and I honeymooned in Pure Michigan--we drove up the coast of Lake Michigan and stopped in St. Joseph (a great little lake town), Grand Rapids (in a suuuuper swanky hotel), Muskegon (with their incredibly cool historical district), Manistee (we camped on a bluff overlooking the lake), and Traverse City (hitting up record stores and hair salons, then staying in a room with a door that opened up to the beach). On the way back, we stopped in Holland for their Tulip Festival. It was a great trip. Now, it's time to settle into everyday married life and watch Betty White and Jay-Z on Saturday Night Live. What a great ending to a honeymoon.

Happenings

I took off work today to apply for a summer job through WorkOne (a sort of unemployment office). About half an hour into the three hour orientation, I realized that the hour they were going to have me drive every day wasn't worth the $8.50 an hour they were going to pay me to do it. C'est la vie ("La vie")* But, I was sick today anyway, so it's okay that I wasn't hanging out with any kids that could also get sick. I'm also taking tomorrow off to get some rest so I can be fully back on my feet on Wednesday.

On a major sidenote, if anyone is interested, I'll once more restate that I have a new music review blog, www.turnoffthatnoise.blogspot.com. I've been covering all sorts of music, both old and new, but since my rate of keeping up with music with any regularity is pretty slow these days, some of the reviews may seem completely irrelevant. But hey. Whatevz.

The wedding is in eleven and a half days. Wow. It's crazy that, after such a long time of waiting for marriage (since fifteen, even if it was just for sex then**), it's finally going to be here. Yesterday, I gave Michelle the letters that I had written for my wife over the past four years (with no sort of regularity at all). It was funny, because the very first letter mentioned that I was 'currently very attracted to my friend Michelle...but I don't think that would happen. But if that is you, that'd be really funny.' And guess what? It was funny. It was strange to look over those letters again. As much as I've changed since I started writing those letters, the core of Nathaniel was the same then as it is now. I'm just taller now. A tiny, tiny bit taller, but taller nonetheless.

Eleven and a half days. Shoot.

*My dad just told me about a friend he has that makes this joke. But, the proper French meaning and spelling was so ingrained in my mind that I completely missed the say/c'est pun.

**don't get me wrong: I'm still looking forward to that too, just not only that.

Once more, On Music

I'm starting a music blog. That's right.

Check it out here.

On marriage

My parents' divorce is finally starting to move. Mediation begins in a few weeks. It's bittersweet, because on one hand, the tension of their daily interactions will finally be resolved, but on the other...you know. It's a divorce. They're rarely happy affairs. (Although sometimes they're caused by happy affairs)

A couple close friends of mine are surprisingly not being divorced. After dropping off of the face of the planet for a few months, husband came back, realizing what each of them had done wrong and newly determined to make it work. "Realizing the problem is there doesn't fix the problem," he told me. I did not expect this at all. Maybe I should have held hope for longer, but I didn't want to be disappointed.

I'm getting married in two weeks plus four days. Yesterday, I was sitting next to Michelle in church and I realized: I will be sitting next to this woman in church for the rest of my life. I will be sitting across the table from her, on the couch with her, sleeping in bed with her, in the car with her, my entire life. Starting May 1, 2010, the days I spend apart from her will be few and far between. All of my life, I have been surrounded by marriages with varying levels of toxicity, whether it be my own family, people in my church, close friends. I have seen couples happier than we grow to resent and despise one another. I have seen how more time together can embitter a man to his wife or a woman to her husband.

Far more rarely but much more notably, I have also seen marriages drowning with grace--grace for who the other person is, their weaknesses, their struggles, their irritating habits, their differing sleep patterns, their differences in decorating opinions. It reminds me that, like a commitment to Christ and His ministry of reconciliation, a marriage commitment is something that needs to be constantly overflowing with grace, and grace, and grace, and grace. Not only that, but I can't just see some girl in the food court and be all, '@wife we had a good run. see you later #speedydivorce.'

So I, sitting next to Michelle in church, realizing the weight of the decision I've made, looked at her and thought, 'if I'm going to make a commitment to anyone, it might as well be superawesomehotgirl Michelle.'

Because when it comes to marriage, I don't think it's as much about finding the right person as it is making right decisions for that person. And I'm positive that even when I don't, Michelle will take my wrong decisions and cover them with grace, and grace, and grace, and grace.

Top Ten

Alright, this started as a Facebook comment, and I needed a different forum.

These are the ten most impacting records on my life, in chronological order.

1. Project 86 - Drawing Black Lines
Before I heard this album, I really only listened to Weird Al and the Star Wars soundtracks. This record began to show me what kind of power music had.

2. The Ataris - Blue Skies, Broken Hearts...Next 12 Exits/End is Forever
I listened to these two records back to back to back in eighth and ninth grade--during which time I saw my first relationship, my first break up, my first kiss with a stranger, and my first real rebellion. The Ataris both enforced that rebellion and, in more introspective moments, helped me realize that I wasn't happy there.

3. The Juliana Theory - Emotion is Dead
The first emo record I ever heard, and I immediately started growing out my hair and playing acoustic guitar. No joke.

4. Weezer - Pinkerton
I don't think this needs an explanation. Just a metal fist. lml =w=

5. Sunny Day Real Estate - How It Feels To Be Something On
During a time in my life when I was playing mostly Thursday and Thrice influenced heavy emocore, SDRE grabbed a hold of me and showed me just how pretty emo could be.

6. mewithoutYou - [A-->B] Life/Brother, Sister
Because I can't choose. These albums represent such different periods in my life. I first bought A-->B for six dollars at the church camp bookstore. I hated it at first, but I forced myself to listen to it. A few weeks later, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me. Needless to say, that record got a lot of play. Brother, Sister came out during my sophomore year of college, and it opened up so much about God that had been clouded previously. Lyrically, musically, and spiritually, it crushed me and built me back up the first time I heard it the whole way through. And the Jeremy Enigk cameo didn't hurt.

7. Mae - The Everglow
At the time of this album's release, I had finally done most of my wandering and found my way back to God (in one way or the other), and I identified myself so much with the journey taken by the main character in the record. It was also during a time where I had thrown out all of my secular music, and this album was one of the first 'Christian CDs I bought after the great Purge, and I was pleased with it.

8. The Mars Volta - De-Loused in the Comatorium/Sigur Ros - ( )
These were the first secular albums I let myself listen to after months of listening to only 'Christian' music. And God let me know that He'll dwell wherever creation is, no matter what the people who create it think of Him. They're just so dynamic and crushing. I would often put on ( ) and just lose the next hour and a half, and I would awake from the trance feeling like I was just born.

9. Bright Eyes - I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning
The first folk record I ever bought. It set me off on three years of writing primarily folk songs.

10. Brand New - The Devil and God are Raging Inside Me
Ear and heart shatteringly vulnerable. Very few records have ever had the emotional impact on me that this record does. It had way more to do with the almost disturbingly personal portrayal of spiritual struggle that my music has taken on than any other record. I sometimes feel like Jesse Lacey is a very close friend of mine, and we're just exchanging these narratives.