The American Workforce

And so, it came to pass that Nathaniel FitzGerald worked several morning shifts at Bashor Children's Home, waking up at five to make the thirty minute drive that would end at the start of my shift, at six a.m. After the eight hour shift, he then drives twenty of those minutes back to the Vineyard Church to fulfill his internship there, which takes up around two and a half hours a day. He returns home around five thirty to his wife, who he wishes he could see more of, and then tries to be in bed before ten, which never happens.

And, I am tired. So, so, so tired. And that doesn't really bode well when my overall health is significantly affected by my sleep. I called off today because said overall health is a bit less than optimal, and after spending the past two days with a sick resident, I didn't want to risk infecting anyone else. But I'm beginning to rethink my goal of four days a week. It's going to be too hard to keep myself healthy with my current schedule. And with this schedule, being married is the only thing that makes sure I see Michelle anymore. If we were still just dating, I'm pretty sure I'd see her two days a week tops.

She got a teaching job, by the way. So I don't really need to work four Bashor days a week anyway. Maybe I'll take that extra day and spend it on music, or at the Vineyard. Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.

A Retrospective

The other day, in an episode of feeling particularly stupid (I burned a pan while making popcorn), I started to read back through my blog, specifically looking for times where I felt especially bad about myself (which were in no shortage). But as I went backward, something else started to happen. I started to become increasingly interested in what I was feeling with every post, whether I felt good or bad about myself. When I got the the end of this blog, I went to my Xanga and read that to its beginning, back to the summer after my 12th grade year, which I have often looked back to as my strongest days of faith, where I wrote about all the huge works God was doing in my life and my expectations for college. But as I read through it all, I realized that that time in my life, which was undoubtedly the brightest and most fiery was not the best or most godly. I was praying and expecting revival at Bethel, which in my mind meant prayer meetings that went on until the early morning with shouted prayers and hours and hours and hours of singing.

Regardless, that's not what my time at college looked like--not normally. And I felt let down by it. For a while, I felt somehow like God had ripped me off. But looking back now, I can definitely tell that there was a form of revival that happened--not a one or three day Spirit-falling-down, everyone huddling at the altar kind, but a four year revival of real growth and real learning that brought some of my very best friends to me and taught me that I must understand love before power and that grace always, always, always triumphs over judgment. I look back on the things God was doing in my life before college, and at times, I felt like I just couldn't contain it at all. It's been a very long time since I felt I couldn't contain my zeal and passion, but I realized the other night that that's because I've gotten bigger. I'm not trying to fit a huge thing into a small container. I have more room for it.

Back then, I was always telling myself it was time to be a man. Now, I am a man. At least, more of one.

Also, I got the job at Bashor. I go in Thursday for background checks and preliminary paperwork. Praise God.

Waiting,Patience, etc.

Last Monday, I had my second interview at Bashor Children's Home. After telling me that he was glad I applied, the fellow interviewing me submitted the approval of my hire, and told me that once HR signs off on it, I'll have to do a couple background check things, and then I'll be ready for training. I called later in the week and was basically told to just wait until they call me. I consider myself a pretty patient person, but it's easy to get frustrated in situations like this. As much as I enjoy not going to work and listening to my records or riding my bike or whatever else all day, its really only fun for about three weeks, then I'd much rather have a job. And now...well, I basically have one, kinda? I just have to wait for it.

Always waiting.

I made a new mixtape today.

For your listening pleasure,

Multitrack Sneakattack, vol. XI: Shooting Stars in Your Breakfast Cereal

Bash 'em, Bashor

Last week, I had an interview at Bashor Children's Home. I got a very good vibe from it, and was told to call back in a week if I hadn't received a call already. Well, today was a week, and I called back, and was told that the guy who interviewed me is on vacation, so I should try again next week. Come onnnnnnn.

Some background. In high school, my youth group went to Bashor a couple times to have Christmas with children in the HOPE unit--children between the ages of eight and thirteen who have been charged with sexual offenses. Within the first few minutes, I fell in love with them. A little while later, the pastor in residence visited our student leadership team, and at one point during the discussion said, 'call us when you're twenty-one and get a job.' And there was nothing then that I wanted more. Long story short, a lot happens in five years, and I got a little sidetracked, but here I am again, looking to Bashor, and I want it. And after a long, beautiful conversation with my darling sister Lyndsey last night about God's unexpected goodness, I have to ask myself, 'do I know that God is that good?'

I certainly want Him to be.

But in the meantime, I've been watching a lot a lot a lot of football*. Geez, I love the World Cup. There have been some incredible matches, and only in the first round! And strangely...I'm finding myself becoming a fan of the US team...this never happens in international sporting events...

*REAL football

I'm becoming more and more convinced that often, the most godly way to live life is to just enjoy the goodness in everything around you.

The Tension and the Blessings

There are eight days left in the school year. This leaves me in the position to find a job for the summer which I would need to negotiate with my involvement at the church (which may just increase...we'll see). On the drive to work today and while sitting in the classroom before the students came in, I was almost paralyzed by the perceived difficulty of this task. After school, Michelle called and we were talking about places I was going to apply (but forgot to because of the overwhelming amount of dishes in the sink), and I mentioned my worry of maneuvering my involvement in the worship band with one of the jobs in particular, and she said, 'Just apply and see what God has for you.'

What a wise wife I have. I love her so incredibly much. And, she just got a lot of her hair cut off. She looks very sophisticated. And hot. So hot. Oh, my wise, sophisticated, hot wife.

A kid I helped with had a seizure today. He had to be taken to the hospital, where they were 'going to take pictures of my brain' (his words...then he started crying). I wasn't in the room when it happened, but I was told that the nurse just ran down the hall to my classroom (I was in prep, helping the librarians figure out Windows Movie Maker), so I went down there and arrived to a group of program assistants surrounding him, one of them holding his stiff body in his lap. I stayed long enough to figure out what had happened and walked to the wall, feeling like I needed to cry.

I hate when children hurt.

Marriage

Marriage is awesome. Never let anyone tell you anything differently. I've been married for a week, and I'm so excited about everything yet to come. Michelle and I honeymooned in Pure Michigan--we drove up the coast of Lake Michigan and stopped in St. Joseph (a great little lake town), Grand Rapids (in a suuuuper swanky hotel), Muskegon (with their incredibly cool historical district), Manistee (we camped on a bluff overlooking the lake), and Traverse City (hitting up record stores and hair salons, then staying in a room with a door that opened up to the beach). On the way back, we stopped in Holland for their Tulip Festival. It was a great trip. Now, it's time to settle into everyday married life and watch Betty White and Jay-Z on Saturday Night Live. What a great ending to a honeymoon.