Thanks, Chester

Congratulations on being the creator of a new

Evil Plan (tm)!

Your objective is simple: Criminal Activities.

Your motive is a little bit more complex: To show them all

Stage One

To begin your plan, you must first incapacitate a pope. This will cause the world to sign up for life insurance policies, overwhelmed by your arrival. Who is this spammer? Where did they come from? And why do they look so good in a robotic exoskeleton?

Stage Two

Next, you must obliterate the internet. This will all be done from a underground secret headquarters of doom, a mysterious place of unrivaled dark glory. Upon seeing this, the world will weep uncontrollably, as countless hordes of the religious right hasten to do your every bidding.

Stage Three

Finally, you must unleash your corporate takeover, bringing about something that's really metal. Your name shall become synonymous with dear god no, and no man will ever again dare sabotage your music career again. Everyone will bow before your dashing good looks, and the world will have no choice but to fall madly in love with you.