On marriage

My parents' divorce is finally starting to move. Mediation begins in a few weeks. It's bittersweet, because on one hand, the tension of their daily interactions will finally be resolved, but on the other...you know. It's a divorce. They're rarely happy affairs. (Although sometimes they're caused by happy affairs)

A couple close friends of mine are surprisingly not being divorced. After dropping off of the face of the planet for a few months, husband came back, realizing what each of them had done wrong and newly determined to make it work. "Realizing the problem is there doesn't fix the problem," he told me. I did not expect this at all. Maybe I should have held hope for longer, but I didn't want to be disappointed.

I'm getting married in two weeks plus four days. Yesterday, I was sitting next to Michelle in church and I realized: I will be sitting next to this woman in church for the rest of my life. I will be sitting across the table from her, on the couch with her, sleeping in bed with her, in the car with her, my entire life. Starting May 1, 2010, the days I spend apart from her will be few and far between. All of my life, I have been surrounded by marriages with varying levels of toxicity, whether it be my own family, people in my church, close friends. I have seen couples happier than we grow to resent and despise one another. I have seen how more time together can embitter a man to his wife or a woman to her husband.

Far more rarely but much more notably, I have also seen marriages drowning with grace--grace for who the other person is, their weaknesses, their struggles, their irritating habits, their differing sleep patterns, their differences in decorating opinions. It reminds me that, like a commitment to Christ and His ministry of reconciliation, a marriage commitment is something that needs to be constantly overflowing with grace, and grace, and grace, and grace. Not only that, but I can't just see some girl in the food court and be all, '@wife we had a good run. see you later #speedydivorce.'

So I, sitting next to Michelle in church, realizing the weight of the decision I've made, looked at her and thought, 'if I'm going to make a commitment to anyone, it might as well be superawesomehotgirl Michelle.'

Because when it comes to marriage, I don't think it's as much about finding the right person as it is making right decisions for that person. And I'm positive that even when I don't, Michelle will take my wrong decisions and cover them with grace, and grace, and grace, and grace.