This has been a trying week for me, complete with an insane weekend in the middle of it. On top of an illness that set me back a day of classes, I also had a series of large assignments (commentary comparison, sermon, etc) all due today. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday was filled with friends coming to visit for the play, a pancake dinner at the Fischer's house, and me trying to juggle that with my studies and the rest I needed to combat my sickness and exhaustion. Let it be known: today, I am mostly free of it. That is, I am mostly well, I have finished the largest assignment, my homework is done, and my smaller extensions have been arranged to be turned in later. God be praised for gracious professors.
When I'm under as much tension as I've been under, I tend to become less vigilant in struggling against spiritual apathy and temptation. This has certainly been no exception. I let my guard down for a second, and the same sins crouching at my door pounced and came in legions. With them came a strange and terrifying thought.
For years, I was sure that I hated my sin, but the problem was that I loved myself too much. I cannot now deny that it might be truer to say that I love my sin, and hate my self. Because if I hated my sin, it would not be so tempting to me, and if I loved myself, it would not be so difficult to submit myself to God's plan, that includes my restoration and resurrection.
Eesh.
Besides that. I've come to a very strange in my life lately, where I can appreciate all of the things about a young woman that attracted me to her in the first place without being attracted to her. I'm incredibly thankful that the Lord sees fit to work our friendships in the way He seems fit. How could I have ever thought I had a better idea?
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