Growing Up Too Fast/Not Fast Enough

I woke up early this morning to help a pair of dear friends (Nick&Soni) ready the art building for their wedding this Saturday. After we finished for the day, they showed me their recently moved into apartment. Directly after leaving, I went with my dad and my now married sister Caitlin to rent a Uhaul and load it so that her and her husband can move to Los Angeles.

All of this marrying and moving and apartmenting made me think an awful lot about the future, when I will be marrying and moving and apartmenting myself. I've always had in my mind that that is all so far off, and so I simply hid away inside my childish present and stayed away from the future. But in two weeks, I'm starting my final year of college, and I would really like to not move home for more than a month or two afterward. Chicago has been looking incredibly well lately, and packing Caitlin&Adam's things simply make me want to move there sooner. But, I've got a lot of growing up to do.

But as I was told at Brown City...it's not doing; it's being. Growing up isn't a matter of doing grown up things. It's a matter of being a mature, responsible, independent person. It's like I realized a few days ago. If I'm ever going to be the father and husband I need to be, I need to be that NOW. Not saying I need to get married and start poppin' out babies right away--far from it. I just need to prepare myself to be that man by being him now.

But as much as the future usually frightens me--I'm incredibly excited for it now.
But not without feeling sick of waiting for my future to come.

I guess I just have to start living in the present.