A good friend, whose every word I take with close consideration told me tonight
"You are a musical genius. I mean it. You have a gifting beyond anyone I've ever met, and you need to start taking it seriously."
That scared* me for a number of reasons. First, I don't necessarily feel like I'm writing the kind of music I could be. That is, I don't always feel like I'm applying myself to write the kind of crazy full orchestra concept albums I would be able to if I tried.
But that's not even the real thing.
There's this line between doing music as a sort of giant hobby and doing it as something I'm deeply invested in that I could even make a sort of living off of. And I've straddled that line for the past couple years. In high school, I would have wanted nothing more, but I'm not in high school anymore. I've certainly began playing shows in much greater frequency over the past year, but most of the times, the audience is made up almost entirely of my friends. I've gone from playing solo to playing with different people at different times, to acquiring a full time trumpet player. I've never used the same drummer more than once, and I haven't had any problem with that. If I cross that line, I'll have to find more full time members, and actually have real practices.
Also, to date, playing live has been something that I could pick up and lay down at will. I can book a show here or there, even on a whim, and not worry about having a show after. Crossing that line means having a schedule to fill, and a responsibility to fill that schedule.
Finally...if I cross that line...I'll have to finish my album. It's been a year and a half, and I just now released CDs with five of the eleven songs, and I'm not happy with that. I've been meaning to finish it this whole time, but I've never had a deadline. If I stepped up and got serious about this music thing, I would have to make a deadline, and that scares* me.
Josh (the friend) and his band and my band and his drummer with a solo project are going to start playing a lot more regularly at different venues. Like a mini tour.
I guess that means I'm crossing the line. At least in a small way.
*not necessarily the right word
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5 comments:
Nat, I agree with Josh. You are a brilliant musician and composer. I love that I can be a part of the music you make.
Keep it up. Jesus is blessing people through your music.
Oh crap. I forgot about your show last night. :(
Best of luck and all my prayers! God's going to do something through you, and I wouldn't be at all surprised if your phenomenal musical abilities are involved. Keep seeking and praying!
xoxo
nat. what would it take to give you a deadline, and what kind of time frame would you need to be on a deadline?
you only get busier as you get older, until you cross over, and by then i dont think you'll still be doing it.
I think you could have fantastic results that you can either use for a resume or a demo, but i wouldn't expect anything more in today's world of "needing" a label.
but seriously, i'll give you a deadline if that's what will motivate you.
<3
january 7th. 2009 i would like a full complete album, it's the day before christmas break gets over.
do it.
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