Wellspring

The other day, I unwrapped a Dove chocolate piece and was greeted by the fortune: "Dare to love completely." Now, I've found in my life that love, with all its beauty, truly is a strange and dangerous thing. Most of the pain in my life have been from love--whether it be a relationship that didn't work out, or being hurt by someone I loved, or the tension between a person I loved and they way their life turned out. But I have never been jaded. Even after falling dangerously in love and give everything I had to someone it wasn't meant for, I still believe that love exists in the way I thought it did my entire life.

The thing is, now that this position of Potential Love of my Life is vacant, my mind doesn't exactly know what to do with its vacancy. Questions play through my mind every time I talk to an eligible young woman looking at the different criteria and then playing through scenarios getting far too ahead of myself. Sometimes, it's just a passing thing. Other times, it races through my mind, keeping me up at night.

The worst thing is, I'm pretty much absolutely sure that God has little to nothing to do with it. Or at least it doesn't seem like His way of doing things (don't even say 'it never does,' homes). I don't necessarily care for it, but I have a hard time keeping this flippant heart and mind of mine under control.

There's an attitude of guarding my heart that I need to develop in myself. Put up walls high enough that only the most providential woman can climb them.
Problem is, I never been to good with walls.