The Past is a Strange and Awkward Place

This Sunday, I will be preaching my first sermon in a real live church, with pews and people in them and an altar and everything. My sermon (for lack of a better title) is called 'Remembering what we were saved from,' and in it I state the importance of, well, remembering what we were saved from. I think it's absolutely imperative to never forget that we were once just like the people that we so often look at with derision and disdain, which in turn would turn our hearts toward them.

It's a strange coincidence that today was a day filled with hindsight. I watched some music videos of bands I listened to in high school, with lead singers I tried so hard to be. Then, wandering around the internet, I came across several old emails from an old girlfriend, both during and after our relationship, and then later passed by some old pictures of us. I wasn't surprised at the things that were said--I've never really doubted that we weren't completely happy for almost the entire duration of the relationship.
What really surprised me was when I came across a picture of me and my other exgirlfriend...and I looked happy. Not only that...it was a candid, and I actually look like I loved her.

It's so strange to think about that...I've thought for so many years that the only happy times we had were for the first couple months, and everything else was selfish and juvenile and lustful. But this picture...taken within days of my salvation...
Perhaps I did actually love her, briefly, before I had to let her go. It's completely possible.

It's also (again) a very strange thing to think about. I saw her just last weekend, and realized that most of the faults she used to harp on me about have been improved upon, and then realized how glad I was to be out of that relationship. Also, I've been through almost four years of my life since then. I'm working at a church. I'm making post college plans. My life has been moved by the Gospel, and not just youth group ethics. My heart has moved on to...a more appropriate receiver. I'm moving forward like never before.

Yet is a look over my shoulder a look of yearning? Absolutely not. In fact, I'm very glad to realize that I wasn't always as selfish or lustful as I remember being. And when I look back and realize that I didn't see how anything could be better than that?

I had a terrible imagination.