die so i can be born again

My adoption hearing was today. Our lawyer asked my dad yes or no questions, then he asked my mom, then he asked me, as the judge just listened and two other men took notes. The lawyer asked, 'do you consent to the adoption by your step-father?'
I said, 'absolutely.'

The judge then said, 'Do you realize that this will remove your inheritance from your natural father?'
'I could care less,' I said. The lawyer, the judge, and the two other men chuckled. I don't think they were expecting it. The judge then said he approved the adoption, and a wave of relief passed through me. Were I given a moment to myself, I would have cried for joy, but I was not given such a moment. My mother immediately asked the judge if we could take pictures, and he cheerfully said yes. There was a lot of laughter and a lot of thank yous, and a lot of hugs.
Now, I just have to wait for the paperwork to come back from the hospital. Did you know that when you get adopted, they change your birth certificate? That's getting it done, right there. That will take six weeks, the lawyer said.

But the process is through. It's finished. After three and a half years, it's finally finished.
And I couldn't be happier.

Also a plus: I called off work today for the hearing, and because I had a landscaping job afterward. As it turns out, I got back from the hearing around eleven or noon, and then wasn't able to leave for the landscaping until three or so. So I sat back on the couch talking to dearly missed ones on my least favorite of communication avenues (the internet) about my adoption.
There was much rejoicing, and it was well deserved.


It's a comfort to know that the process of becoming who I'm meant to be is a slow and sure process, as frustrated as the 'slow' part of that makes me. I found myself falling again today--but I stopped myself. I stopped myself at the last possible second, but I still stopped myself.

I was supposed to go to Kalamazoo tonight with Nick to buy effects for his groomsman, but Soni wanted him home tonight, so we're leaving tomorrow morning instead.
Don't argue with the wife.


I had a thought today of starting a band with Nate Hamblin, Chelsie Bennett, and Chelsea Henion, because the gimmick of having the same name is too good for me to pass up.
Then, with the idea of what the band would sound like, I wrote a song, as I laid the mulch in Patrick's garden.
It's a catchy tune, even though I can't remember it. But it was good! Trust me.