The Golden Goodness and the Ring of Power

I woke up this morning still reeling from the recognition of what He demanded of me (myself, all of myself, and all that comes with it), and I knew everything that would be given along with myself (idle moments, money, moneymaking, the internship, romance, etc...especially that last one).

And I begged Him to take it, and I did my best to freely give it. 'I know how hard it will be for me to resist taking them back,' I said. 'But You have to have them.'

Work was fine enough...then at the end of the day, we had a work order to deliver tables and chairs to the home of the vice president of development. It just so happens that I used to live in that house. I don't know what came over me, but when I arrived, I was just overcome with joy--and for no clear reason. I have terrible memories in that house: nights of loneliness and idleness and corrupted curiosity; shadows that would not lift; things I dare not let out of hiding. But I'm remembering now that is all past. The shame I bore was bore by Christ with my sin (My sin [oh the bliss of this glorious thought] not in part but in whole was nailed to the cross and I bear it no more) and I truly bear it no more.

Just like my habits. I need not return to them like a dog to its vomit--I was freed from them. How dare I bastardize my freedom by going back to my dank cell to live! The bright and living world may be a frightening place, but better far to live and die where Life is to be Lived than in a place where there is only death.

I read The Magician's Nephew tonight for the first time. It is possibly my favorite book I have ever read (note: before any debates are sparked about which of the Narnia books are the best, know that this is my first read through any of the series.) But, I realized how often I am like Uncle Andrew (conniving, cowardly, self-centered) and less like Digory (brave, obedient, and nervous-yet-accepting). At the creation of Narnia, Uncle Andrew reasons away the song because he is too fearful to think of what a singing lion would mean to the point that he no longer hears the song. Meanwhile, Digory (and Polly and the Cabby, who is now one of my favorite literary characters) watch in wonder and excitement at each new thing.

Later in the story, when Aslan returns them to the Wood between the Worlds, he shakes his head until it becomes a 'golden goodness.' It then says that for as long as they lived, whenever Digory and Polly felt sad or discouraged or lonely, they remembered the golden goodness, and they were joyful again.
I thought immediately, 'I could use something like that.'

I have a big, gaudy ring on my left pinky with a red ruby in it. Lately, I've been jokingly referring to it as my 'ring of power.' Among everything else I gave up this morning (and continue to give), I said to the Lord, 'If this is going to be a ring of power, why not have it have some actual power as a reminder such as the golden goodness?' And I took it off and gave it to Him, and He breathed on it and put it back on.
And then I realized...

It is no coincidence that my biggest ring is on my smallest, weakest finger.


It often seems the least capable are given the most power, because it's easier to sort out what's theirs and what's His.



Cannot shake from my mind: 'I do not think I'm ready.' "And it is for that reason that I know that you are."